It’s no surprise that girls don’t ALWAYS love their fellow female. Especially in their jealousy-prime— their 20s.
Since your 20s are a real foundation-setting stage of life, overcoming jealousy is a real bitch (one that most women never beat, that’s OK, we’re going to attempt to shed some light on it regardless).
JEALOUSY: [lack-of-self-love] – noun – Old French origin, for “get over yourself.”
There are various forms of jealousy, folks! We have your constant comparisons (I’m not as pretty, I’m not as popular, I’m not as emaciated). And your incessant complaints (Why did she get the job — I’m so poor, Why did she get the guy —I’m so lonely, Why was she born into money— I have bills!) And there’s the straight-up hardcore jealousy (I want her hair, I want her legs, I want her social security number and identity!)
I personally think jealousy can be frowned upon, or perceived as a framework for growth! If you can turn jealousy into “positive jealousy” — then your chances of happiness are two-fold.
POSITIVE JEALOUSY [I-dont-want-to-be-you-but-I’m-inspired-to-be-a-better-me] : noun – Latin origin, for “get ON with yourself.”
STEP ONE: Whenever I get that bright flash of jealousy when perusing my everyone’s-married-and-happy Facebook feed, I don’t take it out on the crazy folks who got married out of college by posting passive aggressive remarks like, “awww, too bad he looks like his Daddy” on their slew of happy baby pictures, or bitching to my friends about my how “everyone’s getting married, why am I such a wreck” or “everyone’s engaged, can you believe no one’s asked me yet?!” I simply take it as a sign that I, too, want love and fulfillment, and that I need to become the best version of myself so that I don’t mess up some poor dude’s life. Guys, jealousy is a sign to pursue more of what makes you happy. In my case, it’s those gluten-free sweet sesame rolls at Bricks & Scones on Larchmont. (http://www.bricksandscones.com/)
STEP TWO: When carbs don’t work, I make a list of all the good things in my life — a “self love” list, or a “gratitude log.” I keep this “lovey gratitude journal” by my bedside, jotting additional “I’m grateful for my pretty hazel eyes” or “I make really great pancakes” so that the next time I get jealous of those girls with effortlessly amazing hair right out of the shower, I remember all of the beauty inside of me!
STEP THREE: When self-love doesn’t cut it, I simply remind myself that not everything is as it seems. Ms. Perfect Mom from your graduating class is both gorgeous, married to a fancy banker, and on her third model child? Sure, but I can’t see the bigger picture — there’s a great chance her ambitions are different than mine, and that she views life through different prescription lenses. Maybe Ms. Perfect Mom doesn’t dream of owning her own sustainable farm in the countryside, or of playing the role of Elphaba in Wicked. Bottom line is, nothing’s truly perfect. And who’s to say that wonderful things aren’t right around the corner for me, anyways?!
STEP FOUR: If the above steps haven’t eradicated the jealousy completely, well then now it’s really time to get to work. The real work. The get off your ass, stop complaining, stop journaling, and stop fantasizing WORK! Let your pang of envy fuel you into action, let it be motivation to become better, not bitter! Let Ms. Perfect Mom’s killer mom-work-ethic & unshakeable faith force you to leave the house after 4 days straight of Homeland, finally get your car washed, and head out to that Spirituality 101 course you’ve been dying to try out, because they have free lectures on Monday nights! You never know what’ll happen with a little bit of inspired action. #GO!
Bottom line, everyone has their own dirt road to travel, which makes it tricky eyeing someone else’s plot. So instead of becoming green with envy, which complements nobody’s complexion, turn that ugly witch into a princess by letting her show you where you need more in your life. Jealousy is a good navigation system to finding where you have great desire. And here’s a hint that’s works for me 8.5 out of 10 times — look at this path as an exciting journey to navigate through the road-bumps, each bump isn’t a crisis, but an annoying opportunity to reroute and arrive at your final destination with time to freshen up.