How to Avoid Getting Distracted By Life


Your 20s are filled with distractions — roommates nudging you to skip class in favor of spiked 7-11 slurpies on the bell tower grass, or multitasking several crushes while dating your high school sweetheart, or the insane amount of fatty social media clogging your arteries.


It’s not that I didn’t get good grades in college, it’s that I endured a hurd of anxiety attacks on my path towards achieving them.


Now that I’m old, I can reflect back and ruminate on the lessons I learned in my younger and more distracted years.


And the best thing to do with knowledge (as I’ve come to  learn from my new religion — the movie LUCY) is to share it.


So here are my tips for how to AVOID getting distracted by Life:


1. Date One Guy (At a Time) | Names are hard to remember, and the stress of explaining yourself and why you yelled out some stranger’s name when you needed a hand replacing your shower-head-filter is just not worth it. So I recommend downsizing and keeping it humble…one guy at a time.


2. Prioritize Profit | If the action you’re taking is not getting you money (or happiness) stop doing it. Here’s an example: If you’re stuck between finishing the progress report for your under-appreciative boss and perusing for hot deals, I’d pick the former. Why? Because the latter costs money, and may cost you your job at the same time, silly.


3. Cell Phone Detoxification | I’m not saying get rid of your cell phone, that’s just absurd. But in order to avoid getting distracted every second, I suggest putting your phone on silent during times of focus. Where was I?…Sorry, I was answering a text. Don’t put your phone on vibrate, either, that’s still pretty damn distracting.


There is a cool app where if you don’t touch your phone for 10 minutes you donate clean drinking water to underprivileged folks. That’s a double wammy — being productive and a good human being.


Another cell phone slim-down technique is to delete Facebook from your phone. Chill OUT,  you can still check your feed and see who liked your post or invited you to play Candy Crush Mafia Farmville on your laptop. One distracting surface at a time, jeez.


4.  Don’t Start a New Netflix Show | …until you’ve finished reading all the books on your to-read list and completed all your work projects. Then you can start “The Killing.”


5. Switch Up the Energy | Staying in your apartment, house, dorm room, or wherever you sleep is going to lead to distraction. Your bed will beckon you to lay atop it. Your dishes will suddenly need cleaning, and your refrigerator and snack cupboards will beckon you simultaneously.


Get out of the house and to a coffee shop or somewhere quiet — a library, a park, a morgue. Somewhere where you won’t be inspired to get up and organize your closet.


6. Slow Your Roll | Check your impulses — you don’t HAVE to answer every email, text, Gchat message IMMEDIATELY. You can call Mom back AFTER you  do your work. Your desire to complain on FaceGram can WAIT. Recognize that you’re avoiding success with all of these dawdling tendencies.


Get started with these 6 easy-to-integrate habits, and then we’ll see where you’re at. You’ll probably get promoted making 6 figures. You’re welcome.