How to Handle the Dreaded Hangover

A monumental milestone of my 20s was when I turned 18 and started binge drinking. By the time 21 rolled around, I was a professional.

 

Which made the subsequent milestone (age 24) that much more traumatic…

 

…one of the worst things that may ever happen in your lifetime occurs in your 20s. This  phase sandwiched between the “I can pretty much drink everything from Jagermeister to rubbing alcohol” and the “I’m so old, I used to drink every night and suddenly it’s like I have one glass of wine and I’m ready for bed.”

 

This phase is the dreaded hangover.

 

My first hangover arrived unexpectedly at 24 after I sloppily downed 10 double Kamikaze shots mistaking them for singles. For years I had enjoyed all sorts of alcohols — mixed together, sipped separately, didn’t matter. Suddenly something in my life shifted, my kamikaze karma had run out, and thus I was forced to learn a very crucial skill…

 

how to handle a hangover!

 

And it starts the night before.

STEP ONE:

Do the math prior to consumption. (Figure out the alcohols to waters ratio.)

This vital equation varies per intended drunkenness, body type, and family heritage.

Since I’m half Russian, to avoid severe hangover my ratio is 1 Water: 1 Alcohol.

STEP TWO:

Stay malleable & positive, no matter what happens.

Even when you realize you aren’t Euclid (he was a famous math guy)

and have too many alcohols,

(which is typical 20s behavior), there is still hope.

STEP THREE:

Locate as much water and aspirin as you can. Swallow!

NOTE:

If your nightmare roommate forgot to fill the Brita/PUR/whatever cleans your water, it’s ok.

(There’s a future blog about her.)

In the meantime: Any non-alcoholic liquid will improve the toxic wasteland that is your body.

ANOTHER NOTE:

If you forget to drink the pre-hangover necessities altogether

(due to forgetfulness, laziness or blackout) —  there are hangover-day-of steps to follow.

STEP FOUR:

Sweat it out.

(If your gym has a Sauna, use it!

Anything to sweat out the bucket of tequila you’ve consumed)

STEP FIVE:

Overdose on health.

Green Juice, Water, Smoothies, Herbs, Fresh Air, Detox Tea, Vitamins…

 

AND

Meditate that you are surrounded by a bright light of healing. 

  

STEP SIX:

You can be gross.

(And investigate this myth about the msg packet in ramen noodles curing hangovers when mixed into a liter of water and chugged!

Or eat America’s finest.)

  

STEP SEVEN:

Pedialyte pops & Full House Reruns

(Since you’ve regressed to teenage irresponsibility,

why not take it all the way back?)

 

STEP EIGHT:

Or, my personal favorite — you can RE-tox.

Boozy brunch, hair of the dog, whatever you label it in your iCal, bottom line is — just keep drinking!

Whether or not the transitive property of hung-overness cancels out the hangover itself, it’s much more fun than dealing with the pain. 

How do YOU handle your hangover??

Please comment below…

CHEERS!